I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
