You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
