he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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