Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
