we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
