when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
