I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
