Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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