omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
