I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
