Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
