drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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