margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
