hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
