I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
