But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
