Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If I die, sorry about rent.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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