Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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