That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
