quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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