yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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