after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
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