Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
