That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
