Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
