So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
