Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
