If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
