OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
