I am puke
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
