I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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