just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
