The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You pole danced in your parka.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Nobody cheats on THIS.
why is half of my head shaved?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize