All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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