She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
how drunk are you?
Several
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
