By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
