last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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