If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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