she woke up with a sticky ear
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
