Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
