i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
