i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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