I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
