they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
