A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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