Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
