Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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