party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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