This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Pooping to opera.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
