Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
