There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Watching her eat just hurts me
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
