I'd wear matching sweaters with you
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
