chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
