I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
