i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
