While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
