I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
