i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
