it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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