After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
