well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
