i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
