Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
