Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
