I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize