Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
