Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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