fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
