I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
