too bad you live with your parents still
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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