Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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