i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
