im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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