Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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