do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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