The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
