Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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