She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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