Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I want to be your penis for a week.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
