He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Holy shit dude........stairs
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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