I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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