he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
