Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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