Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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