goodnight i made you a song goodbye
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
