There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
