I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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