I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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