who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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