I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
