I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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