i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
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