Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
