Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
