I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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