great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
