Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
